I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
