i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
