I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
