It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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