you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
