I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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