I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
