shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
