my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
