If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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