I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
