how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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