If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
