i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
