Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
