Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
