Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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