so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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