im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
