Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
