What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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