hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
