I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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