Duck Duck Cougar?
I met the friendliest cop last night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
