my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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