I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
