ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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