loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
