Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
