Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
