If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
