I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
