We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please come you make the beer taste better
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
