I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
