Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
