I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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