Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
