sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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