Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
