I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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