you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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