i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
