Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
