No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
