The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
