New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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