Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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