wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
