im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
