ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
honey bunches of taint.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
