Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
